To be a parent
by IceTear1
Summary: Snow s thoughts when Emma calls her mom first time


******Have been reading here few months and thought it would be nice to write something also. And the scene in mines just makes me finally ready to write.**

**This is my first attempt writing a fanfic so I hope this is not completely terrible. I don´t have beta and english is not my native language, so I apologize any grammatical errors.**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, just playing with them**

I was so happy when I got Emma convinced that sending trigger to the void and saving Regina is the right thing to do. But my happiness changes to fear again very fast when we realize that the bean is gone. And then Regina tells us that she couldn't keep the trigger secured much longer. After that all I could think is that this it is, this is the end.

Then Emma comes closer to us and calls us mom and dad for the first time. Though I can see how scared and sad she is my mind wanders after those words to all that has been and should have been. Because I had already lost all hope to ever hear those words and now at the end she finally acknowledge us as her parents.

After my mom died and all what's happened with Regina, I thought that I wouldn't know how to be a mother. But that changed after king George's curse and Charming´s mothers sacrifice. I guess when you loose even the possibility of something, it's when you see the truth of things. So when the medallion told that we were going to have a girl, I knew that I wanted her and loved her from that moment on. Even if it was then only a future prophecy.

When Doc confirmed my pregnancy I was overjoyed, even with Regina's threat hanging over our heads. Because now it was real and I was going to finally meet her. And David was over the moon with the news also. He had always wanted a child after all.

It wasn't the easiest of pregnancies with the fear of Regina trying to destroy our happy ending, but still I enjoyed every moment of it. Because I knew she was save within me and feeling her inside of me was incredible. Sometimes I just wonder how our love could create something so amazing as a complete new life.

Because of my fears I convinced David to take me to Rumplestiltskin. What he said though only made things worse. Even the thought of Emma saving us after 28 years of curse was unbearable. I couldn't be apart either of them. Gladly Blue gave us some hope when they told us about the wardrobe because at least I could have escaped with Emma. But then everything felled apart when she decided to born couple weeks earlier that was expected. I tried throughout the labour hold it and kept her there so we could go to the safety first, but it was for no use because when Geppetto told us that the wardrobe is ready it was already too late and I has to push and let her born there and then.

After we heard her first cry, for a while we both just forgot the curse and all we could think was Emma and how we were parents now. She was so beautiful, a perfect mix of us both. And when Doc gave her to me, I knew that I would never love anyone as much as I love her. The connection we had before her birth just felt even stronger now. So when we heard noises outside which forced our minds back in danger we all was, I had to make the hardest decision ever and chose to send her alone to safety. When David left the room with her it was like my heart and soul ripped out and finding him later bloody on the ground just took what was left from me. So when curse fell upon us I have already lost everything, though I had a little hope hearing that Emma has gotten to the safety.

When Emma came to Storybrooke I had a instant feeling that something vitally important has returned to my life. After that I feel myself a little bit more whole and I knew I wanted to do anything to help Emma. Then I couldn't understand why it was this way, so I convinced myself that it was all to help Henry. Who has always been surprisingly important to me compared to my other students.

When curse broke everything became clear. Of course I had so strong connection with Emma & Henry thinking that they are my flesh & blood and beside that I had been frozen to the moment she was born. So I have been last 28 years living in symbiosis phase with her without even knowing that I have a child. Regina has managed somehow to take all the physical after effects away but clearly she wouldn't have thought the psychological side of it. So through the curse I had been psychologically and emotionally connected to Emma without knowing it. So no wonder I had a little depression all cursed years and felt like something that should have been there was missing.

When Emma came to us, when I have just decided to find her, it was a surreal. In front of me was this beautiful woman I have thought as my friend and now all of a sudden I could she me & Charming in her. I couldn't help but wonder how I hadn't seen it before. Because she is so clearly mix of us both still, and obviously you could see right away that she is our child.

First she was so closed off and blaming us for sending her away that it broke my heart. Somehow I had hoped that she would understand that we just wanted to save her. Maybe she was right saying that we would have been together if she would have been cursed too, but I doubt it. More likely if we have kept her Regina would have killed her. So we really didn't have a choice then.

After wraith pulled her in that hat, I just have to jump after. I couldn't lose her again. And I'm glad I did, because in Enchanted forest we finally had a chance to connect as mother & daughter and she wouldn't have survived there without me. So I finally got to be a mother and protect my child. We also had a very good moment in her nursery. I'm so happy that she could saw it, although seeing it in ruins just broke my heart. And I kept thinking all the time we were there just how different all could have been and should have been without the curse.

When Cora tried to took her heart I was so scared and it felt like she was taken my own heart after all. But then something in Emma pushed her back. Light so pure and warm almost like when you break a sleeping curse but brighter. I couldn't understand what it was, but it didn't matter because she was save. Then we learned that because she is a product of true love, she really is true love in human form and that's why she has magic. First I was a little worried about that, but when I realized that she is from our love and she is so beautiful person herself, it couldn't be anything bad.

And now finally those two words we have been waiting for almost eternity. We all kept hugging each other and from David's grip on my back I could feel that he probably is thinking same way as I am.

After a while Emma parted from us and looked at us with new determination and I could guess what's to come. And sure enough, she offer Regina to help her contain the trigger. We take Henry a little bit further to keep him save. I don't know what will happen, but part of me believes that Emma is powerful enough with Regina and they can save us all and shut the trigger down. I believe in her and our family and our love. These are all I need and with that love we can do and survive anything.


End file.
